Whoop! There It Is

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Title: "Whoop! There It Is"
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Astin and Elijah take the Brits to see L.A.'s favorite basketball team. Not that they actually watch the game. Part Two of the Pastimes Series
Disclaimer: This actually might have happened. Well, except for the Billy/Orlando bits.
Notes: So, I don't like basketball too much and I'm sure it shows.


"Oooohhh...there's Dave Duchovny!!"

Elijah followed Orlando's wide-eyed stare, shrugged. "He's here all the time. Huge fan."

"And, oh my God, that's Matthew Perry!"

"Jesus, Orlando, we know. We watch 'Friends', same as you," Dom stated, moving away from Orlando's jostling.

"And...Billy, that's...Salma...Ed..." Orlando clutched Billy's arm, shaking it. "I'm going down!"

"Orlando, wait!" Sean cried. "Christ," he muttered, watching Orlando bound down the bleacher seats to Salma Hayek and Ed Norton. "This is so embarrassing."

"Relax, Sean, he's a fan," Elijah commented.

"Yeah, but you know how it gets at these games." Sean slunk down in his seat, tried to cover his face with his Lakers hat.

"When is this stupid game supposed to start anyway?" Dom asked, eyeing the basketball court with some distaste.

Elijah checked his watch. "Ten minutes."

"And what's the exact purpose of this game again?" Billy wanted to know.

"Well, five guys on each team and the one team tries to stop the other from putting the ball in that basket," Sean explained, mumbling from under his hat, vaguely waving down at the court.

Dom and Billy peered at the basket, at the court, each other. "That's it?"

"Yeah, that's it. Like soccer, only indoors."

"Doesn't sound anything like soccer to me," Billy stated, leaning back. "Soccer has a point, a history, violence, goalies, international acclaim. Five guys trying to play with each other's balls is not even in the same league."

"You forgot the dribbling," Elijah laughed.

"Dribbling?" Dom sat up, turned his hat around backwards so he could see better. "These guys spit on each other?"

"Now that sounds interesting," Billy stated.

"No, they don't spit on each other." Sean sat back up, gave a long suffering sigh. "Elijah meant dribbling the ball. It's how the ball gets moved down the court."

"Oh." Dom and Billy didn't even try to contain their disappointment.

Billy slouched back in his seat, looked around the arena. "Where the hell is Orlando?"

Elijah pointed. "Still gushing over Ed and Salma."

"Better watch out, Billy, or your girlfriend's gonna leave you for a real actor with a real career," Dom teased, tossing a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

"Fuck off, Sblom," Billy grumbled, then sat up completely straight, eyes wide. "Sean, Sean, who's that?"

Sean shook off the hand clamped down on his arm, followed Billy's excited finger to the players just taking their places. "Kobe Bryant," he replied with a shrug. "One of the best guards in the NBA."

"He's beautiful."

"Oh, fuck," Dom sighed, sinking back on the bench. "Just what I need...Billy watching some basketball player's ass all night."

"Watch it, or I'll choke you on your own popcorn."

"Could the two of you attempt to get along for five minutes?" Elijah pleaded, silently contemplating joining Orlando. He looked like he was having a much better time...but then, who wouldn't be if they were talking to Salma Hayek and Ed Norton?

Unfortunately, Orlando didn't return until well into the first quarter. "That was fucking brilliant!" he exclaimed, bounding into the row, insinuating his body between Billy and Dom. "Did you guys know Ed's going to be working on the next Ridley Scott film? Means we're almost like brothers."

"What, 'cause you worked with the same director?" Elijah didn't want to think about that. Hell, by Orlando's calculations, he was related to half of Hollywood. What a depressing thought.

"Guys...game." Sean gestured at the court and the game in progress.

Orlando waved him off, sublimely uninterested. "Game's boring, mate. What's the point of men running around in their pants trying to shoot some stupid ball into a stupid little net?"

"To watch that," Billy sighed, as Kobe Bryant bent over to help a teammate up from being fouled.

"What, him?" Orlando squinted, looked over at Billy. "You leaving me for the big fella, then?"

"Well, you're leaving me to shack up with your 'brother'."

"Don't forget the equally stunning girlfriend," Dom chimed in, eyes flashing with laughter.

"Curves like that make me happy to be a man," Elijah agreed, nudging Dom on the shoulder.

Orlando snorted. "Oh sod off, Lij, if you're a man, then I'm a princess."

"Ah, so that's what the two of you do for sport." Dom nodded his head knowingly at Billy and Orlando, continued to throw popcorn in his mouth.

"Why do I bring you guys out in public?" Sean wondered aloud, trying to ignore them, focus on the game.

"'Cause we're fun, mate," Billy replied. Sean just glared at him. "Alright, alright, we'll behave. Tell us what's going on again."

Sighing, Sean leaned over and complied. "Sonics are down by four and there's less than two minutes left in the quarter, so best guess is they'll try to run down the shot clock, get fouled and make up the points on the free throw while blocking Shaq."

Three pair of confused eyes stared back at him.

"Was he speaking English?" Orlando wondered, looking at Billy, then the court. "I don't remember seeing anyone running anyone over."

"Nobody's running anybody over," Elijah explained. "He means that the other team needs to make sure the Lakers don't get any more points."

"Oh."

"Ssshh...just watch...fuck yes, that steal was a thing of beauty!! Go, go!!"

Dom, Billy and Orlando just looked at each other in confusion as the crowd erupted in a huge cheer when Brian Shaw passed the ball to Shaq for a slam.

"Can we hug each other again?" Billy shouted over the noise.

"Sure, why not, we're enthusiastic fans," Orlando shouted back.

"Oh God," Dom moaned, leaned against Elijah. "Can't you stop them?"

"Basketball's a very emotional game, Dom," Elijah replied, trying to smother his grin. "The fans are very...um...supportive."

"If Orlando 'supports' Billy anymore, he'll be a cunting jock strap."

Orlando simply stuck his tongue out at Dom as he slowly ended the embrace.

"You wish," Dom retorted, settling back in his seat. "Probably have all sorts of kicky fantasies involving the three of us and a jar of honey."

"I was thinking chocolate syrup, actually," Orlando replied with a wink.

"Does anybody care about the bloody game?" Sean asked, glancing down the row at his friends.

"Sure we do," Billy said. "As soon as something interesting happens again, you'll let us know, right?"

"Chocolate, huh?" Dom leered, stroked his chin. Elijah cupped his hands over his mouth to cover his giggles.

"Next time, I'm going out by myself," Sean vowed. It was going to be a long game.

Onto Roller Coaster


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