Pounce

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Title: "Pounce"
Pairing: Orlando Bloom/Sean Bean
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Orlando misses his mark.
Disclaimer: Never happened.
Notes: Light bit of crack!fic fluff. Because if anyone could pounce and miss, it'd be Orlando.


"Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeego!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Better than a tennis match," Sean observed, dividing his attention between Viggo and Orlando.

"More dangerous, though," Karl replied, then winced as Orlando drunkenly crashed into a chair.

"C'mon, Veeeeeegooo," Orlando wheedled, stumbling towards Viggo.

"No. I'm not interested. And neither are you."

"But...um...you're...Veeeeegggooo."

"Only you could make his name fourteen syllables, Orlando," Karl chuckled, from his vantage point on the sofa.

Orlando ignored Karl, tried to pounce at Viggo. Who neatly sidestepped. Orlando went tumbling instead into Sean's lap.

"Oof!"

"Sean! Yerno' Veeeeeeego," Orlando stated, then immediately wrapped his arms around Sean's neck and started nuzzling. "Likeyoutoothough. Maaaaybe more."

"Hey! Stop that!" Sean exclaimed, trying in vain to back away from Orlando's lips. "Vig, mate, come contain your elf."

"Not my elf." Viggo grinned, flopping on the sofa next to Karl. "Thought we just established that."

"Viggo!"

"What? He's not."

"Perverse bastard, come get him off me. He's heavy."

"Yeah, but he looks comfortable," Karl said, wide grin matching Viggo's.

"Taste nice," Orlando murmured, burrowing further into Sean's warmth.

"I'm sure I -- hey! That tickles!" Sean tried again to shove Orlando away. "Karl, come take him. Please?"

"Fuck no. Be just my luck that Harry'd walk in and I'd have to explain what I'm doing with a lapful of elf."

"What about me having to explain what I'm doing with a lapful of elf?"

"What's your worry?" Viggo asked, crossing his ankles in front of him on the coffee table. "You're straight."

"Precisely my bloody point." Sean nodded, like that settled the matter. "Karl's not."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Karl asked.

"What's what got to do with anything?"

Everyone looked up at the sound of Dom's voice. He and Elijah strolled in the room, dropping various bags and backpacks on the floor. "Sean, why's Orlando in your lap?" Dom asked.

"No idea. Want him?"

Dom laughed, settling on the sofa on Karl's other side. "No thanks. Girlfriend'd kill me. He's prettier than she is."

"Yeah, and never lets him forget it, either," Elijah said, sitting on the arm of the sofa. "Wow, is that Orlando's tongue in your ear?"

"Yes and -- hey!!" Sean shoved at the arms wrapped monkey-tight around his neck.

"Get the feeling we should leave the two lovebirds alone?" Karl asked, nudging Viggo with another grin.

"Excellent idea. I need another beer."

"Don't you -- hey, come back! Dom, Lij, c'mon, mates, don't -- Orlando!! That's my crotch!"

"Feelsnicetoo..."

"Doesn't give you per -- mmmph!"


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