Orlando laughed at that, snorting rather inelegantly, choking somewhat when beer went up his nose. "They did. I saw 'em when he bent over to pick up that twenty he dropped. Like wee Scottish blueberries." Dom covered his mouth with his hand, drunken giggles spilling out around it. "No...really?" "Yup, I swear." Orlando blew his nose on a napkin and continued. "Course, as cold as it was, hardly a fair assessment of Billy's charms." He eyed Dom with a sudden wicked gleam in his eyes. "Unlike some people I could mention..." "Oh?" Dom raised an eyebrow, took his next sip slowly. "Like..." "Oh, no, forget it -- just -- nah," Orlando said, "I'd be a right bastard to tell the entire world that Lij is hung like a hamster, now wouldn't I?" Dom slapped his knees in glee, laughed so hard he was all but choking. "Jesus..." He fell completely on his side, peered up at his friend through teary eyes. "God...I think I ruptured something." Orlando tried and failed to suppress an evil grin. "Better be careful...you throw a disc and you won't get the life-altering experience of shagging me later." Dom sat up, scoffed. "Orli, mate, I can have you whenever I want you," he said, waggling his eyebrows. "Besides, I can bet you don't hold a candle to...nah, I'll be a gentleman." "Who? Who?" Orlando asked, poking Dom in the ribs. "Who could possibly be bigger than me?" He stood up and put his hands on his hips, swaying just a bit in the process. "I'm...I'm fucking King Kong, mate." Dom eyed Orlando with the concentration only the truly drunk can master. "I dunno...you might have him for length, but you'd never beat Bean for width...oops!" Dom's hands went back to his mouth as he laughed again. "BEAN? You shagged Bean?" Orlando was incredulous. "I thought he was...y'know, straight." "Sure didn't act like it with me," Dom smirked, kicking his feet back up on the coffee table. "A bit better than average on length, but girth..." His face achieved a look of rapture "...fucking hell." Orlando plopped back down onto the couch, dazedly attempting to process that information through his pickled brain. Finally he looked over at Dom. "Length matters, you know." "Not like width," Dom argued, flopping his head on Orlando's shoulder, voice earnest. "See, if it's too long, it's no good. Anything over say...eight inches...and you've got fitting issues. But width. Oh God, yeah..." Orlando thought that width certainly had its charms as well, but he was becoming annoyed with Dom's stubborn refusal to agree that he, Orlando, was possessed of a Great and Mighty Tool. He stood up again, trying to ignore the persistent sway in his knees, and marched over to the hall bureau. Yanking out the top drawer, he started digging around, tossing junk all over the place. "'s here someplace..." he muttered. "What're you doing?" Dom called out. "Getcher ass back in here. And bring s'more beer!" "Just a sec," Orlando yelled over his shoulder. Finally he found what he was looking for, and wobbled back into the living room, tape measure in hand. Dom squinted at the object. "That's no' beer, mate. We measuring your curtains or somethin'?" "We're out of beer. And no, not the curtains." Eyebrow raised, he looked at Dom and waited for him to catch on. "Out of beer? But...but..." Dom whimpered, looking perilously close to tears. "It's not even midnight!" Orlando rolled his eyes heavenward. "You great, clueless, beer-obsessed git. Stand up and drop 'em." Orlando pulled the metal tape measure out about twelve inches and held it suggestively at crotch level, waggling it in Dom's direction. Dom stood, with a big smirk on his face. "In that much of a hurry to get me naked, hmm?" he asked, tugging at the buttons of his jeans. "Oh, you wish," Orlando retorted, "I'm just trying to prove a point, 's all." "Well, if you're in such a hurry to see how I measure up, you can do the honors," Dom stated, gesturing at his open fly. Orlando opened his mouth to issue another smartass comment but then snapped it shut. The sight of Dom's Burberry, plaid boxers peeking through his fly ought, by all rights, to have inspired a snotty comment on the perils of prep; instead, Orlando felt his stomach do a tiny flip. Before thought could catch up with them, his fingers decided to give it a go. "So," Dom was smirking again, "you really do...oh!" He bit his lip hard when Orlando's calloused hand slipped under his boxers, gripped him. "Fucking hell..." he breathed, grabbing onto Orlando's shoulder for support as Orlando started to move. "'S not like...well, it's just...gotta measure it right," Orlando murmured by way of explanation. Made perfect sense to Dom. "You need to..." Another gasp as Orlando found the perfect rhythm "...need to whip yours out." The hand not closed over Orlando's arm tugged at Orlando's belt. Orlando didn't speak, just grunted and dropped the tape measure onto the coffee table, moving to undo his belt with a practiced flick of his left hand. He didn't stop what the right hand was doing, either, and the look in Dom's eyes sent a shiver straight down to his crotch. Dom groaned again as warm flesh filled his hand. No, Orlando wasn't King Kong, but he was very fucking nice. He licked his lips in unconscious invitation as he stroked, moved in time with Orlando. Orlando groaned and pushed back against Dom's hand. The palm was warm and solid, long-fingered grip like his own, only different, and he shuddered at the sudden rush of pleasure that caught him unawares. "Best...best get to measuring," he said breathlessly, "that is, if you still want to." "We can finish...later, right?" The needy look on Dom's face had Orlando wordlessly agreeing before he was aware of it. Not that he didn't want to finish later (God, did he ever). "Right then..." Dom took a deep breath, slid his hand reluctantly away from Orlando, fingers protesting the loss. Orlando let go of Dom as well, shucked his khakis and boxers all the way off and gestured for Dom to do the same. In short order they were standing there in t-shirts and socks, erections standing out at near half-mast. Orlando bent down to retrieve the tape measure and pulled it out, seating the metal end at the base of Dom's cock and holding it beside the length. "Well, now I know why you aren't all hung up on length," Orlando said with a shaky grin, but his eyes betrayed more lust than laughter. "Ah yes, but observe the width, young grasshopper," Dom replied, still somewhat breathless. He grabbed the tape measure and wrapped it around the base of his cock, showed the results to Orlando. And smirked when Orlando's eyes widened. "Now you." He dropped to his knees, set the tape measure against Orlando's cock. "No Bean, but not bad," he commented, smiling at Orlando, tongue tucked between his teeth as he stood back up. "Not bad? Fuck you say...what, Bean's ten?" Dom sharp retort was lost when a foreign hand trailed up his spine. "What are the two of you doing?" a voice asked against his ear. Dom yelped, stumbled into Orlando as he turned, beheld Harry's amused stare. "Fucking hell, Harry..." Orlando froze. "Harry! Wha...you're supposed to be out with Viggo! What happened to the gallery opening?" "Well, we went to it." Harry circled the two of them, eyes taking in the crumpled pants, the tape measure and twin softening cocks. "And then we went out for drinks. And now I'm back. What's all this, then? "Um..." Dom stood, looked helplessly to Orlando for explanation. "Um," Orlando began, "it's um, well, just...we were just having a discussion. Scientific and all that," he said to the carpet. He could feel Harry's eyes pinning him to the floor. "About size, I'm guessing." Dom fought not to squirm under Harry's stare. Fucking stupid to forget Harry was staying with Orlando while he was in town. "Yeah," he answered. "Started out as...um...you know...length vs. width..." "An age old question," Harry smiled, sprawling back on the sofa. "So..." he gestured between the two men in front of him. "Who won?" "Well, ah...I'm longer." Orlando mumbled, still not looking at Harry. He'd recently discovered that there were approximately twenty carpet fibers to the square inch in this rug. "And Dom's wider, I suppose?" Harry barely restrained the urge to laugh at Dom's tiny nod. Well, this should be a bit fun... "So, you need a tie-breaker, eh?" Orlando looked up at that. Looked dead into Harry's eyes and swallowed hard at what he saw there. "You aren't serious." "What, I'm not good enough?" "N-no..." Dom stammered, biting his lip. This so wasn't happening...and he wasn't getting hard again at the look of challenge in Harry's eyes. Nope. Not him. "It's not that...um..." God, the two of them were easy. Harry grinned, deftly unzipped his slacks, sliding them just past his hips. And laughed outright when Dom's eyes popped open and Orlando whimpered. "Should I get it hard myself, then?" Orlando blinked at the...well, sheer impressiveness that was Harry. And that was soft. To his credit, though, he recovered amazingly well. "No," he said softly as he reached for Harry, "I'm sure we can help with that." "Definitely," Dom agreed, dropping to the sofa. One finger reverently traced over the veins, and Dom grinned when Harry's cock jumped under his touch. "I take it back, Orli. Length is good." Harry simply rolled his eyes, flattened Dom's palm over the hardening length. "It's not going to break, you know." "No?" Orlando asked. "What about these?" He reached his hand up underneath Harry and cupped his balls, squeezing gently and rolling them while Dom established a firmer grip upstairs. God, the two of them were talented. "No..." The word was a satisfied sigh as Harry sank back into the cushions. "You boys need to scoot in a bit or I'm not going to be able to reach." Orlando had maintained his hold on Harry, sinking down next to him on the couch. He was more than happy to oblige and scooted closer until he was pressed thigh-to-thigh against Harry. He saw that Dom scurried to do the same, and soon enough, they were all entangled, hand over hand to cock. "Fucking..." Dom gasped, groaned, felt his world tilt sideways as Harry started to move over his cock, doing some wrist-y thing that had him biting his lip. He tightened his grip around Harry, wanting, needing the same mindless response. Harry flopped his head against the back of the sofa, each of his hands working their special magic on his two young friends. Not that they were slacking...fuck no. Orlando's hand migrated to flatten over Dom's and the both of them rocked over his length in a steady movement. "Pretty good for youngsters," he grinned a bit breathlessly, the smile wicked. Orlando thought briefly about a snappy comment, but the silk-smooth slide of Harry's hand on him was frying the last synapses he had left. He raised his right hand -- the one not currently occupied with, oh, God, Harry -- and started rolling his own nipples into sweet-sharp nubs of pleasure. Dom was determined to hold out, didn't want to come first. But God, this was so...Jesus...good. Harry's hand on him, his hand, tangled with Orlando's, on Harry's. Sweet friction, blessed rhythm -- he wasn't going to last. With his free hand, he jerked Orlando to him, buried his moan in the back of Orlando's throat as he came, hot and sticky, over Harry's hand. Fucking hell... The sudden, unexpected kiss and the unreal moan as Dom came tipped Orlando over the edge of the canyon, the earth slamming up to meet him in a shattering rush that blew stars up behind his eyes and tore the breath from his throat. The hotter than hell sight of Dom and Orlando kissing not six inches from him rocked Harry's world. And the viscous liquid oozing over his hands triggered his own explosion. His eyes rolled, his body stiffened, breath jerked as his orgasm raced through him. The three of them sat there, breathing in erratic gulps, faces slack with the aftermath. Orlando let go of Harry and wiped his hand absently on the couch. He looked across Harry -- who seemed quite content with how things had turned out -- and a realization struck him. "Shit, Dom, we forgot to measure Harry." "Oops." Dom grimaced as he collapsed in the crook of Harry's arm, smiled when it closed over his shoulders in a friendly hug. "Guess we'll have to remember to measure first next time." "Next time, eh?" Harry chuckled and kissed the crown of Dom's forehead. "Didn't know you were such a stickler for procedure." "'S okay," Orlando said as he licked Harry's ear. "Next time I'll remember to bring a yardstick."
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