But the knowledge still wasn't stopping him from having the crisis anyway. "I feel like, I dunno, like there's all these things I haven't experienced," he said, and Dom laughed, the sound crystal-clear, even through the thousands of miles separating them. "So do them. You've got scads of money and nothing but time." Trust Dom to miss the point entirely. "I think I'm having a mid-life crisis," he said, and Viggo snorted. "Call me back when you're middle-aged," he replied, and hung up the phone. Which was precisely Orlando's point, but it wasn't helping him with his crisis. "You ever get the feeling that there's so much more for you to accomplish?" he asked, and Sean just chuckled. "All the bloody time," he replied, then the two of them got distracted with catching up with what the other was doing. Which was fantastic, but didn't help much in easing Orlando's mind. "I feel like I'm seriously going mental," he told Karl, who didn't laugh or snort or chuckle. Or hang up on him. "You flying out to see me or am I coming to you?" was all he said. "I'll fly to you," Orlando replied, breathing an inward sigh of relief. Finally, someone got it. He should have called Karl first. "I need to get away, I think." Karl wasn't in New Zealand, which was a shame, because Orlando hadn't been there in forever and missed the place, but Vancouver, where Karl was currently filming his latest movie, was beautiful in its own way, and Orlando'd never taken the time to explore the area when he'd been there in the past. He was definitely going to do more of that. There was a lot more he was going to do. Karl met him at the hotel bar after he was finished filming for the day. The first sight of him was welcome, like a cool breeze on a hot summer's day, and the first hug was hard, heartfelt, and promised a lot more later if Orlando needed it. He had definite plans to take Karl up on the offer. He loved women, no two ways about it – the shape, the feel, the smell of them, their sighs and breathy moans – but sometimes, Orlando wanted something else. Wanted hard and rough and different. Karl was the one he went to when he needed that sort of release, and the loose arrangement suited them both, complemented their tight friendship perfectly. Orlando never told Karl that Karl was the only man he'd ever been with, but then, he figured he never needed to. Karl looked good. Very good, even. His jeans were molded to his thighs, and the dark green of his pullover brought out the green in normally hazel eyes. His hair was shorter than it had been the last time Orlando had seen him, but it suited him, brought out high cheekbones that had been earning Karl a living since his days doing New Zealand soaps. He looked relaxed, happy, at peace, and Orlando desperately wanted just a little bit of that Zen for himself. "Buy you a drink?" Karl asked, when they were finally at arms length. "Two," Orlando grinned. Damn, but he was glad he'd come. The slid into a booth and Orlando waited patiently as Karl flirted with their waitress when she took their order and came back with their drinks. She was pretty enough - young, curvy, and blushed very nicely. Making pretty girls blush had always been a specialty of Karl's. "So..." Karl twisted his glass of gin on the rocks between his hands and stared at Orlando. His voice was all business, but his eyes were soft with concern and friendship. "Talk to me." It was exactly the opening that Orlando had been seeking. He talked - haltingly at first, testing each word, then faster, the words tumbling over each other in an effort to get out. All of his fears, frustrations, constraints, the idea that there had to be more, he just wasn't seeing it, every tiny thing that had been keeping him up at night for the past few months came pouring out of him in a cathartic rush. Karl didn't say a word, except to order them another round. He just sat there and listened. Not judging or interrupting or giving any bullshit platitudes. He should've called Karl first, he thought. "This is normal, you know that, yeah?" Karl said, when Orlando finally sat back, out of words, drained, and yet feeling oddly refreshed. "Is it?" "I freaked the fuck out when I turned 36, mate. Don't ask me why. Not 30 or 35 or any other milestone birthday, but 36. Just lost it." "So it's not just me." Could have fooled him, the way everyone else had acted. Karl's grin was lightning-quick. "There are over six billion people on this planet, 'Lando. It's all been done and felt before." "Comforting." "It should be," Karl shrugged. "Whatever you're feeling, you're not alone." "True." Orlando gripped his glass. It was oddly comforting, in a way. To know that he wasn't alone. But he was sure that had more to do with him being with Karl than any universal sense of brotherhood with the world. "So now what?" "Try to get to the root of what's really bothering you. And it's not getting older. Age happens to everyone and everything." "I just..." Orlando forced himself to look deep into Karl's eyes. He found no judgment, only acceptance, and it helped to get the next words out. "I have no idea what my purpose is." Karl reached across the table and snagged one of Orlando's hands. "It's whatever you want it to be, love." The statement, by all rights, should have smacked of platitude. Instead, all Orlando felt was a profound sense of relief. "Thank you," he said simply, and squeezed back. Whatever he wanted it to be. It sounded like freedom, like possibility. Like maybe he'd been on the right path all along, he just hadn't known it at the time. "No worries." Karl lifted his other hand to brush the tips of his fingers across Orlando's jaw, the touch at once comforting and arousing. "We all have doubts. All of us." "Lately, it feels like all I've been doing is having doubts." What was worse, he was starting to think they were permanent. "You're an amazing man, you know this. But even amazing men falter. Especially amazing men," Karl added, his smile rueful. The sight unfurled something deep inside Orlando, and he squeezed Karl's hand again in both gratitude and invitation. "You about ready to head out?" "If that's an offer, hell yes." "It's definitely an offer," Orlando smiled, groin tightening at the promise in Karl's voice. It had been far too long and he was ready. He could think of no better way to celebrate his newfound epiphany than by being with Karl.
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