Cocksucker

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Title: "Cocksucker"
Pairing: Elijah Wood/Josh Hartnett
Rating: R (language)
Summary: The problem with good hiding spots.
Disclaimer: Never happened.
Notes: For the lovely Trianne for her birthday. Set during filming for "The Faculty."


"Man, if I have to suck one more dick today, I'm going to puke."

Don't choke, don't choke, don't... Too late. Josh spat out a mouthful of coffee (thankfully, it landed on the grass and not his leg or the blanket). Stared at Elijah, who was flopped -- all relaxed-like -- beside him like he hadn't just said...what it was he'd just said. "Pardon me?"

"Metaphorically speaking," Elijah nodded. "Directors and writers and production people. You didn't think..." Elijah giggled, a high-pitched sound, from behind spread fingers. "Oh God, you did think I meant!! Fuck, man, you should see your face right now. You're beet red."

"Thanks for the announcement," Josh said. Rolled his eyes. He knew he was blushing, thankyouverymuch. Didn't need this fucking kid to tell him.

"Can't believe you thought I was..." Elijah chuckled again, peered at Josh with wide, round eyes. Freakishly large eyes, Josh had always thought. Clea was always going on about how pretty they were, but Josh just thought they looked like bug eyes.

"You said it, not me," he offered, shrugged. He desperately wanted a clove, but didn't want Elijah bumming one off him. Kid was always stealing his smokes these days, like they were buddies now or something.

"You must know a lot about it, if you jumped to that conclusion so fast."

"What?"

"Y'know. Dick sucking," Elijah clarified, when Josh just gave him a blank look. "You must've done it or something before, y'know."

"WHAT?!"

"Sucking cock," Elijah continued, as if this were the most perfectly reasonable conversation to be having while waiting in between takes. "Have you?"

"Have I ever sucked dick?" Josh repeated. Blinked owlishly.

Freakishly large blue eyes pinned him in place. "Well, have you?"

"Christ, Lij, that's none of your business." Josh started to look frantically around, vainly searching for any of the other cast members or crew. Typical, though, that they were completely alone. Josh had chosen his hiding spot well.

"You have, haven't you?" Elijah practically crowed it. "Oh, God, that is so outrageous. What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"Sucking dick." Elijah shook his head, patted Josh's hand patiently, like a teacher or something. "What's it like? I mean, y'know, having it in your mouth? Doesn't it feel weird or strange? Does it taste weird?"

"Does it taste... okay, you know what?" Josh stood, gathered his book and blanket from the ground. "I am not talking about this with you. I can't believe you..." Well, actually, he could. Elijah would dare almost anything. Kid had absolutely no tact. And even less guile.

"Oh, c'mon, I'm not going to tell anyone." Elijah unfolded from his position, jumped to his feet. He grabbed an end of the blanket, and tugged. "I just want to know if it's any good. Y'know, sucking on cock."

"Would you keep your motherfucking voice down?" Josh hissed, even though there was no one around to hear them. You never could tell on sets. He'd once walked in on LL Cool J and Michelle Williams in a very fucked up position once that kinda gave new meaning to 'stuck like glue'. He still had nightmares from it.

"Sorry." Elijah smiled that gap-toothed smile of his, the one that let him get away with murder. "Teach me?"

"Teach..." Oh fuck, oh fuck. Josh knew he must be gaping like a fucking fish, but, Jesus! "You want me to suck your dick?!"

"No." Elijah rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly. "How the hell am I going to know what it feels like if you're sucking me? A mouth's a mouth, man. I want to suck you."

"You want...with me..." Okay, this conversation was so not happening. Elijah fucking Wood was not standing there with his freakish eyes and bouncy toes and wide smile and offering, begging practically, to suck his dick. He wasn't.

"Well, yeah." Elijah was practically beaming. Jesus. "I mean, since you've done it, you could, I dunno, give me pointers and such."

"Elijah." It came out as a croak. "Why do you want to practice..." He had to force the words out, "...sucking dick?"

"I dunno." Elijah seemed to give the question due consideration. Tapped his mouth with a finger as he thought. "No clue," he shrugged. "Just think I'd like to try it is all."

"You'd like to try it," Josh repeated. Felt like weeping. Why him, God, why?

"With you," Elijah emphasized. Like that was supposed to make it better. "So?"

Josh just continued to blink and pray for a black hole to swallow him. Elijah stepped closer, ran what Josh thought was supposed to be a teasing hand on his chest. "Whadda say?" Absurdly long lashes fluttered as Elijah glanced up at him. Playing the fucking coquette. "A mouth's just a mouth, right?"

Josh stared at the mouth in question and tried to form the pointed refusal he longed to say. Not my type, too short, too bouncy, too fucking young, ferfuck'ssake, and I've got this thing for Jordana like you wouldn't believe and I have better things to do than teach you how to...

Josh's fingers were unfastening his belt buckle before he could finish the thought.

Mouth was a mouth, man. At least it would shut the kid up.


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