Harry was lounging on the sofa, surrounded by a sea of papers, clad only in a faded pair of cotton pajama pants. His hair was tied back, but strands threatened to pull loose of their confines. Orlando took a moment to admire the picture (especially Harry's naked chest, if he was honest with himself.) "Have a good visit with Sean?" Harry asked, without looking up from his papers. "It's going to be impossible to keep anything from you now, isn't it?" Orlando asked, a fond smile curving his lips. "Not at all." Harry flipped another paper, the soft rustle filling the brief silence. "I didn't think you wanted it to be a secret, though." "I didn't," Orlando said, dragging a chair over in front of Harry and dropping into it. He let his eyes caress the shadows the lamp left across Harry's torso. "And yes, it was a good visit." "Good." Harry looked up with a brief smile, then returned to his perusal. Once again, silence reigned. "Aren't you going to ask me what we talked about?" Orlando asked, after a few minutes. Harry looked back up. "Would you like me to ask you what you talked about?" "Sean didn't tell you?" Orlando held up one hand before Harry could open his mouth. "Don't answer that. I know he didn't." He paused, sliding his tongue over his bottom lip and studying Harry. He knew what he wanted to say, to ask, but he couldn't figure out the right words to use. "We talked about you," he finally said, deciding that bluntness might just work this time. "Sort of." "Sort of?" "Mostly, we talked about how I needed to talk to you," Orlando conceded. "About you being my Sire and about me going through the unmaking process and about what you and Karl aren't saying." Harry slowly set the papers on the coffee table, then sat back, studying Orlando out of cool eyes. "Go on." In for a penny, Orlando thought. "Look, I know you and Karl are worried. Even Josh knows something's up. And I know you've got reservations about this whole thing –" "– I thought we'd settled that." "Did we? Because I'm not sure that anything's settled." Orlando expected Harry to tell him he was worrying over nothing, but Harry just nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. "Alright. Why do you feel that way?" "Well..." Orlando swallowed, the words tumbling in his head. He'd been prepared for more of an argument. All his carefully crafted thoughts splintered apart. "Um, well, I just... I know the reasons you gave me, and I understand those reasons. It's just...I want this, and I know you said that if I did, you'd be honored, but I don't believe that." "You don't believe I'd be honored?" "No," Orlando sighed, wishing Harry could just read his mind and be done with it, "I don't believe you want to do it." "I'm not going to lie to you," Harry replied, after a minute. "I don't know if I want to do it or not. Why do you want this so badly that you're willing to risk so much to get it?" "I don't know if I can put it into words." "Try." Orlando just nodded. "I love Dave and I love Karl," he said, trying to pour everything he felt into his words. "I wouldn't give them up for anything, and you know that. But you...I belong to you. It's like...you own my soul or something, and I think you have since the first time we met." Orlando sat there, watching Harry, hoping for...well, he wasn't exactly sure what he was hoping for, to be honest. Harry was silent for so long that Orlando started to worry that maybe this had all been a big mistake. That maybe he shouldn't have – "To be completely honest with you, that's what scares me the most." "What's that?" Orlando asked softly, afraid if he spoke any louder that he'd scare Harry off. Harry scooted forward just enough so that he could snag one of Orlando's hands. Instantly, Orlando calmed under the touch, and the warmth and love that came through their bond. "I'm not afraid of losing you." Harry let out a slow breath, seemed to reach inside himself. "I could learn to live without you, even though it would kill something inside me that I'd never get back. I've dealt with that kind of loss. What I can't live with is failing you." Of all the things Orlando had expected Harry to say, that was at the bottom of the list. For a moment, all he could do was sit there and stare. Failure and Harry were two things that just didn't go together. "Harry, how do you think you'll fail me?" "As a Sire, as your mentor, as a lover..." Harry squeezed Orlando's fingers. "I can't be what I should be for you – what any Sire or bonded vampire should be for their pet or fledgling. I can't give you my whole heart. Or my whole soul." His voice quieted. "They're not mine to give, and haven't been for a very long time, not since I first saw Karl. And I worry sometimes...that one day I might not be enough. That what Karl and I can give you won't be enough, and you'll start to resent mine and Karl's bond." Orlando slid to his knees, hands coming up to cradle Harry's face. He'd planned to keep their physical contact to a minimum so he could think, but to hell with that. "Haven't the last ten years been enough to show you that I will never ask for more than you can give? That I don't need your whole heart or your whole soul to be happy because what's important is that you chose me?" "And I always will," Harry replied, "but I haven't been your Sire for the past decade. We haven't had that bond between us nor those expectations. Things will be different." "That's not always a bad thing." "Not always, but it's something to think about," Harry added, catching Orlando's hands and holding onto them. "We're being offered a rare second chance. I've no wish to fuck that up." "Would you...?" Orlando stopped, determined not to fumble his words. When he spoke again, his voice was a whisper. "Would it be easier if we waited longer than a week?" "No." Harry's smile was soft, eased some of the tightness in Orlando's chest. "This is as it was meant to be, and you were right about that. Eventually, I would have wanted to offer you the Gift or Karl would have pointed it out. And we'll have time while you recover to explore the pet bond without anything else between us. Which I think we'll need." Orlando nodded, unable to speak for a moment. Then he cleared his throat and matched Harry's smile with one of his own. "Fair enough. That bond is pretty intense, isn't it?" he asked, smiling a little more when Harry nodded. "I won't do this unless you're completely behind it. It has to be about both of us." "I would never do something that is abhorrent to me just to please another. You need look no further than Karl for proof of that." "True," Orlando conceded. "You do say no more often than yes." "And that's not likely to change. And I know it's not ideal, but in the unlikely event that I should decide I can't accept the honor of being your Sire, you do have another option." "Karl? We'd never hear the end of it. Besides, I hardly think he wants to make three fledglings." "Three?" "You don't think he'll offer it to Josh at some point?" "Only if Josh asks, and that'll be assuming that Josh would ever want it. Dom never has. No pet before you has." "Oh. I didn't know that." He paused, head cocked as he studied Harry. "I want it to be you. And I know you're not okay with that right now, but like the pet bond, you'll have time to grow into the idea. I hope." "I hope so, too. But for now, we should concentrate on making sure you survive the unmaking, and then the recovery." "Yeah," Orlando said, and let out a sigh. "Can't say I'm looking forward to it." Harry just smiled and pressed a kiss to Orlando's forehead. "None of us are. But we can't go further until we take the first step." "You'll be there, right?" Orlando didn't care if the question made him sound needy. Just then, he felt rather needy. "Every second," Harry promised. "Karl and I both will be there." "Good." Then, Orlando glanced around at the papers on the table. "Are you finished, or was there more you had to do?" "Unfortunately, I have a long night ahead of me. But you're more than welcome to help me out." "Thanks, but I've got my own business to sort through," Orlando replied, wrinkling his nose. "I probably should get to it." "I wouldn't mind the company, if you wanted to stay here," Harry said. "There's plenty of room." The idea of spending the evening like that with Harry pleased him. He smiled and pressed a swift kiss to Harry's lips. "I'd like that," he said. "Let me just get my briefcase, because I have a few things I wanted to ask your advice on." "I'll be right here," Harry answered, already reaching for the papers he'd earlier set aside. "I'm going to hold you to that," Orlando said as he left the room, humming softly under his breath and feeling better about upcoming events. Onto Part Fifty-Nine
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