Except, he didn't really want Ben dead. Just, y'know, to stop fucking his best friend and the girl he was in love with. That'd be a nice start. *** It was Casey's first real role, his first big film, with fucking Gus Van Sant of all people, and Jesus, Ben had been jealous -- but so fucking proud -- as shit when he'd heard the news. Casey kept having to pinch his arm to remind himself that this was real, he was in a film that Gus Van Sant was directing, co-starring River Phoenix's younger brother and Tom Cruise's wife. It didn't get much better, really. Casey'd finally made the big-time. He stared around the room on the first day of rehearsals, gaze flitting from one person to the next, taking in everything, absorbing it all for recollection later. He felt like a sponge, like his first day in acting class, ready to soak up everyone's collective knowledge and apply it to his craft. His craft, and one day...oh, one day, he'd surpass Ben (and Matt) and show them what he could do. This film was just the beginning. Intense, brooding bright green eyes met his across the room, and Casey started forward without even being aware that his feet were moving. It wasn't just the eyes, although they were stunning and filled with awareness -- it was the slouch and the leather jacket and the angular face and the mop of dark curls -- this guy was lean and dangerous and looked like he knew things, and, already, Casey was intrigued. When he got close enough, the guy held out a hand. "Joaquin." River's brother, introducing himself to Casey -- Casey of all people – and the handshake was brisk, but heated. "Casey." Joaquin held up a pack of Marlboros, and Casey sat gratefully beside him, taking a cigarette with a murmured thanks. He watched as Joaquin gracefully lit a match, watched as plumes of smoke turned Joaquin's curls into a halo, and wondered what it must be like to be that effortlessly cool. "You look nervous," Joaquin finally said, his voice a sandpaper rasp. "Guess I am, a little." "You never lose it." Joaquin cast a sidelong glance in Casey's direction, and Casey couldn't have looked away even if he'd wanted to. "The nervousness. The minute you lose it, you're finished." From that point on, Casey knew he'd follow Joaquin to the ends of the earth. *** "I brought Heineken and smokes," Joaquin grinned, as he stepped through the door. Casey followed him into the kitchen, watching as Joaquin tossed his beat-up leather jacket (a jacket that looked as if it had been places, seen things) onto the table. "You got any Fritos?" "Yeah, yeah, of course." Casey kept stealing glances at Joaquin as they settled themselves on the sofa to watch the BoSox whale on the motherfucking Yanks, settled in like they'd been having boys' nights forever, instead of a few weeks. "I thought you wanted to go out," Casey remarked between innings. "Nah, this is better. More comfortable." Joaquin shifted closer, his thigh bumping against Casey's. The light from the television made his face look supernatural, ghost-like. "Why, do you? We could watch the game at the bar, if you wanted." "No," Casey answered, smiling. He pushed back against Joaquin's thigh in a casual, comfortable slide. Felt good like this, just the two of them. *** "So, the baby brother comes back from his film a man," Ben declared, rubbing a fast noogie across Casey's scalp before pouring his glass of orange juice. "Suppose it's too much to hope that you got laid." "None of your business." "That would be a no, then," Ben chuckled. "So...was Nicole Kidman as hot as they say?" "Hotter," Casey grinned, pleased that he had first-hand knowledge that Ben didn't. "Maybe one day, you'll see for yourself. Legs all the way up, man, Joaq used to say –" "Joaq? Who's Joaq?" "Joaquin. Phoenix," Casey explained, scuffing his toes on the kitchen tile when Ben just raised an eyebrow. "I know I told you about him." "Ah, yeah, I remember." Ben drained his glass in one long swallow, and let out a spectacular belch. "River's younger brother." "He's more than that, alright." "Oooh, touchy about him already, are we?" "Yes. No. He's just...I dunno, I think you'd like him," Casey continued. He was careful to keep it light. "He's got all sorts of cool-ass ideas about everything. Only person I know that can talk for hours about nature and not make it sound boring." "Isn't he supposed to be some sort of New Age, vegan freak like the rest of his family?" "That's not the least mature thing you've said today." "Fuck off," Ben replied, and cuffed the back of Casey's head. Casey ducked out of the way, eyes narrowing. "Twat. Anyway, he's coming by and we're going out for breakfast. So be polite." "When am I ever not polite?" "You want a list?" The remark, of course, led to the inevitable wrestling match, the way it always did whenever there was a disagreement (or anything even resembling a disagreement) in the Affleck bachelor pad. Casey was still sweaty and breathing hard when the doorbell rang. When he opened the door, Joaquin just stood there, staring at him -- into him -- with those impossibly searching eyes. Casey always wanted to ask what it was that Joaquin saw, but never found the courage. "Catch you at a bad time?" Joaquin finally asked. "Nah, just beating my brother into submission." Casey half-turned, hand still on the doorknob. "Hey, Ben, this is Joaquin Phoenix, I was telling you about him." "Pleasure," Ben replied, like he hadn't just been rolling around on the floor in a headlock, and stepped forward to shake Joaquin's hand. *** "You and Ben are close, aren't you?" Joaquin asked, after blowing another perfect smoke ring. Casey had yet to make one. "Yeah, of course," Casey replied, automatic and heartfelt. He met Joaquin's gaze with a half-hearted shrug. "I mean, he's a prick and all, but he's my brother." "No jealousy?" "Maybe," but it wasn't something Casey gave too much thought about, or tried not to. Natural to be jealous, after all, a little jealousy was healthy. "My time'll come. Family's more important than fame." "Important to remember family," and Casey had a feeling they were talking about River now, not Ben, but he didn't have the courage to ask about it. It was easier to order another round and talk about upcoming projects. *** Casey was dead. Or going mad. He couldn't be sure -- and, really, who cared? If he was dead, she was an angel. If he was crazy, then she was a goddess. Either way, he was fucked. He couldn't tear his eyes away -- creamy skin, midnight hair, a heart-shaped face, her laugh... Christ on a stick, that throaty, full laugh... And she was wrapped around Joaquin like a selkie. Hell, maybe she was. There had to be something other-worldly about her. He didn't even question how it was that Joaquin had snagged the most beautiful woman in the universe. "Casey!" Joaquin's joyous cry cut through his thoughts. "You haven't met Liv yet, have you?" She turned, blue eyes open in welcome, complementing the green of Joaquin's. Casey fell. *** "Feels weird to be working with Gus without Joaq here," Casey commented, snuggling deeper into his jacket. "How is the boyfriend these days, anyway?" Ben asked on a yawn. He cupped his hands to his face to blow on them, shivering in the early morning Boston chill. "Haha, and aren't you amusing," Casey replied with a roll of his eyes. Around them, the lighting crew was setting up the next shot. He could see Matt out of the corner of his eye, conferring with Gus, heads bent as they looked over the script. Casey hoped it didn't mean more changes. "He's not?" "Huh?" Casey glanced at Ben, then remembered the question. "No. No. Fuck...do not paint me with your freak brush, alright." "Meaning?" "Meaning not everyone is like you and Matt." Casey waved his hand in Matt's direction in emphasis. "Some of us are capable of having friends that we're not fucking." Ben blinked, then grinned, wide and amused. "Well, fuck, where's the fun in that?" *** "Fucking brothers, man." Casey paced Joaquin's small kitchen, circumnavigating the table out of habit. The smells of tomatoes and chili powder filled the air. "Meaning?" Joaquin asked, and added a little more garlic powder to the mix. "Just Ben's whole..." Casey waved his arms around. "With Matt." "And that bothers you?" "I dunno. Maybe. I mean, it's not like they're gay." Joaquin's grin was hazy through the thin wisps of smoke curling from the stove. "Couldn't have that." "Fuck off, you know what I mean." "Tell me anyway." "Well, they still...go out." Casey dropped into one of the chairs, leaning forward, elbows on his knees, as he tried to explain the unexplainable. "Date chicks. It's just, I dunno, they tend to gravitate towards each other more often than not." "And that's bad?" "No, I guess not. It's just odd...what?" Casey asked, catching Joaquin's look. "Don't worry, man, I'm not like that." For a split second, Casey thought he saw a shadow fall over Joaquin's face. But, just as quickly, it was gone, and Joaquin was wearing his usual trademark smirk. "Uh huh," he replied, with an exaggerated roll. They both laughed, and Casey felt better. That was the beauty of Joaquin. *** Casey missed his step and stumbled into Joaquin, then surprised himself by giggling. "Luckies' fuckin' -- luckies', man are you...fuck, man, on the planet, lucky cocksucking lucky, lucky motherfucker." "No, I'm not," Joaquin said, and wrapped a steadying arm around Casey's shoulders. Casey was grateful for the warmth and strength, even though he thought Joaquin was an ass for not appreciating what was right in front of him. "Fuck you. Y'know y'are. Got Liv," he mumbled, dropping his head on Joaquin's shoulder. Felt nice here. Comforting. Maybe he'd stay, and Jesus, yeah, drunk, drunk, drunk. "Doesn't make me lucky, Case." "But she's..." "She's amazing." Joaquin's lips brushed, soft and cool and friendly, over Casey's forehead. "But she's not everything." *** "Where you going?" Casey asked, mostly rote, as he filled in another line of his crossword. "Out," Ben replied, flopping beside him to finish lacing his Docs. Casey looked up, frowning, into Ben's smirk. "That's all I get?" "That's all you get." "Fine, don't tell me," Casey shrugged, and looked back down at his crossword. Wasn't like he wanted to go wherever Ben was going anyway, Mr. Bigshot Oscar winner, yeah, whatever. "When you're older," Ben grinned, and ruffled Casey's hair as he walked out the door. Casey scowled after Ben for a moment before reaching for the phone. Joaquin didn't answer. Guess he was riding stag tonight. Maybe he'd just stay in for a change. *** The café was crowded, and Casey had to lean in to hear Liv speak. Not that he minded, of course. Liv always smelled so pretty, like springtime or roses or something light and feminine. "He likes you a lot, you know," Liv was saying, full lips forming a perfect 'o' as she blew on her Earl Grey to cool it. Casey bet she was a natural at smoke rings. "He's my best friend," Casey replied simply, rolling his shoulders in what he hoped was a convincingly nonchalant shrug. Trying to impress her was still second nature. Maybe he'd order the fo'turkey -- if Joaquin liked it, it couldn't be all that bad, right? "Yes." Liv drew the word out. Casey couldn't quite decipher her expression. "Yes, he is." *** "No Liv tonight?" Casey said, when he opened the door. Joaquin stepped inside, shrugging out of his leather jacket with effortless grace. "You sound disappointed it's just us," he said, with a wink. "I'm not." It was a vehement, quick retort. "You know I'm not." "Good. Been awhile since I've had you to myself." Joaquin wrapped an arm around Casey's shoulders, and pulled him in for a quick, tight hug. Casey inhaled – mint and aftershave – and smiled to himself. Would be nice to go out, just the two of them, like old times. *** "You're..." Casey blinked, stepped back from the refrigerator to stare at his brother. "You're working with her?" he asked, certain he'd misheard. "With Liv? My...Joaq's Liv?" "Yeah, why, didn't Joaquin tell you?" "No." Casey frowned. "No, he didn't." "She's a great girl," Ben replied. "They're a good match. Bring the butter, would you?" Casey set the dish on the table, still frowning. Why hadn't Joaquin told him? "So, you're...playing her brother?" "Aren't you funny today," Ben laughed, and the sound grated like fingernails on a chalkboard. *** "Fancy meeting you here." Casey looked up, grinning, at the familiar voice. The sun was blinding, bright, shadowed Joaquin's features, but Casey thought he could see an answering smile. "Visiting Liv?" he asked. "Visiting your brother?" "Someone's got to," Casey laughed, and scooted over on the bench. Joaquin sat next to him, and when Casey leaned in for a closer look, he thought there were new shadows under green eyes. "Looking beat, man. Insomnia? Or is Liv keeping you up late?" "Something like that," Joaquin replied, and dropped his head on Casey's shoulder as they watched Ben and Liv rehearse their scene. *** "Here, gimme a few of those," Matt said, and snagged a few of the beers from Casey's arms. "Got the rest?" "Yeah, I'm good." Casey followed Matt back to the table. He heard Joaquin and Ben's mingled laughter before he saw them, heads angled towards each other as Liv leaned in, safely ensconced on Joaquin's lap. They were like a poster for tall, dark and gorgeous. "Ben, stop flirting with Joaq's girl and help your brother, lazy-ass." Ben just grinned in Matt's direction as he stood up. "What younger brothers are for, isn't it? Fetching?" "You wanna fetch your own beers from now on?" Casey retorted, and caught Joaquin's wink out of the corner of his eye. The sight warmed him better than any amount of alcohol. *** "It's nice of you to invite Joaq tonight," Casey said, surveying the stacks of chips on the poker table with a practiced eye. "Figured you'd do it if I didn't. And he's a good guy, got a good head on his shoulders." Ben shrugged, and tossed a companionable arm around Casey's shoulders. "'Sides, maybe he'll bring Liv so you can drool over her you all night so I can win some of my money back." "Fat chance. And I do not drool." "You're a rotten liar," Ben replied, with a sad shake of his head. "Leave that to the pros, man. Let's go get the cooler." *** Casey just stood in the door to the bedroom, fixed, frozen, watching the scene -- no, the nightmare -- unfold in front of his eyes. Joaquin, his best friend, his friend, pulling Ben towards him for a laughing kiss while Liv slithered between them to join in. They were a tangle of limbs and sweat-slick nude bodies, the midnight fall of Liv's hair rubbing in sensuous disarray over Ben and Joaquin as Ben fell back to the sheets, gasping his pleasure when Joaquin and Liv both started to trail kisses down the lightly-furred planes of his chest. He watched, rooted, heart in his throat, as Ben rolled over on top of Joaquin, raked movie-star white teeth along Joaquin's throat. Joaquin moaned, low and dangerous, twining possessive hands in Ben's hair to hold him in place as he tilted his head back for Liv's lips. It was graceful and hot and so beautiful it hurt. They were so beautiful it hurt. Casey crept away, silent, unnoticed. *** "Fucking cocksucking motherfucking cocksucking motherfuckers." Casey stopped, reversed position, started pacing the other way. "You've mentioned that," Matt replied, helpfully. "Yeah, and?" Casey's eyes narrowed as he stopped again. "You're awfully calm about this." "How long you known me, man? Do I look like I could've put up with Ben as long as I have without a thick skin?" "So, you don't...?" "Not really, no." "Well, fuck that." Casey glared at Matt, still calmly watching him from the sofa. "My fucking brother. And my best friend." He stared off into space, wishing he could erase the images in his mind. Images of the three of them, tousled and dark and perfect... "And dragging that sweet girl down with them..." "By which I'm sure you mean Steven Tyler's daughter." "Liv, yes." "Uh huh." Casey transferred his glower back to Matt. "What?" "Nothing, man. I just wouldn't, y'know, be too sure about her innocence." "You fucking knew about this, didn't you?" "Well, yeah, I mean..." Casey snorted, disgusted with Matt, Ben, Joaq, himself, the world, you name it. Fuck. "Should've known better than to think you'd take my side over his." "Aw, fuck you," Matt replied. "You know better. I keep out of your arguments most of the time, with good reason." "And now?" "Well, now I'm trying to figure out if you're jealous because Ben's fucking your friend and you want him or because Joaquin's fucking your brother and you want him or because Liv's fucking them both and no one's invited you to the party." "You think I...with my brother?" "Well, it wouldn't be the most fucked up thing that's happened where we're concerned, would it," Matt shrugged. "I don't want to bang my brother." "So, you want to be him, then." "No. Yes. Maybe. Fuck." "Talk to Joaq, Casey." Matt's voice was kind. "That's all I can tell you." *** "We need to talk," Casey said, and pushed past Joaquin into the hallway, away from prying eyes. He clenched and unclenched his fists, praying for patience, a clue, an idea, a goddamn reason. "I was wondering how long it would take you," Joaquin said, and Casey felt cool, green eyes assessing him as Joaquin leaned against the door. "I saw you watching us. That night, I mean." Joaquin looked so casual, so...fuck, so nonchalant, like this was nothing more than another adventure. "Why?" Casey implored. He could feel his heart ripping through his chest. "Why'd you...and with Ben, of all people..." "Finally ready for honesty, are you?" "The fuck's that supposed –" "Or not," Joaquin sighed, and the sound was small, defeated. "You don't even know what the truth is, Casey. Go home." "Expecting my brother and your fiancée to join you tonight?" "Yes, actually." Joaquin smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. The thought that Joaquin might be reserving his smiles for Ben now left him cold. "Why, would you like to come home with us and watch?" "You cocksucking...I thought you were my friend." "You think I'm not?" "You're his now." Joaquin shook his head. When he looked up, all Casey could see was pity, and something that looked like anger. "You're such an idiot sometimes," Joaquin replied, soft and slow. "Did you expect me to wait for you forever?" "But...I...wait, what's that...?" "Figure it out." Casey watched, helpless, as Joaquin turned, slamming the door shut behind him. *** Casey lost track of how many beers he'd had, but the number lined up neatly on the coffee table was...well, it was a lot. Not like he thought anyone would blame him for getting drunk. Or for waiting up. When he heard the key turn in the lock, he straightened, deliberate and slow. Ben stepped into the darkened living room, and Casey caught the faintest traces of Liv's perfume, Joaquin's aftershave, in the air between them. "Why?" he asked, lolling his head to look Ben in the eyes. Ben didn't even flinch. "Because he offered." "That's it? That's the whole reason?" "Yeah." The word was gentle. "That's the whole reason." Casey could feel his heart crack even wider, a chasm he knew would never be filled. "Why do you have to take everything?" he asked, his voice an anguished whisper. "I didn't take anything you wanted," Ben replied. He stopped beside the sofa and looked down. The light was too low to see the look on his face. "But just because you don't have balls is no reason for the rest of us to hold back." Casey sat, alone, silent, staring at dull light glinting off the bottles as Ben's footsteps faded from the room.
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