Title: "The All-True Adventures Of Mayhem And Kane" (Co-produced by Brandi) Pairing: Chad Michael Murray/Christian Kane Rating: R Summary: Chris goes out and gets more than he bargained for. Disclaimer: Never happened. Notes: Written for the Smutbox fic challenge. Words by Brenda, Graphics by Brandi. Season 1 Disc 3 Episode 9: Phone Call Written By: David Greenwalt Directed By: Joss Whedon Air Date: March 20, 2006 When Chad calls Jared to tell him of the good news about his new one-man show, Jared is less than enthusiastic, given Chad's track record with the theatre. Episode Excerpt: JARED (O.S.) What's it called again? CHAD Smutbox. JARED (O.S.) They're feeding you the good crack on your show now, aren't they? Chad paces, cell phone glued tight to his ear, furious and feeling deserted by his best friend. CHAD It's supposed to be ironic. I'm taking these objects -- these sex objects -- and using them to represent man's eternal struggle against his animal nature. Using quotes from Shakespeare. It's theatre, man. JARED (O.S.) I'd stick to running around naked with basketballs covering your jock. But I'll send you roses for luck. Episode 10: The Prodigal Returns Written By: Amy Sherman Directed By: Jackson Douglas Air Date: March 27, 2006 Chris finally returns to L.A. from Nashville, looking for fun and a bit of amusement on his first night back in town. Episode Excerpt: Chris throws his cell phone down in disgust, having exhausted his list of friends in the L.A. area. SUDDENLY, his eyes alight on an ad in the L.A. Weekly. He grins... CHRIS (pulling his beat-up cowboy hat low on his forehead) Smutbox, huh. Sounds like a lesbian play, and I am all about the lesbian love... Episode 11: Smutbox Written By: Mark Schwahn Directed By: Michael Grossman Air Date: April 3, 2006 When Chris crashes Chad's theatre debut with disastrous consequences, neither of them is prepared for how the night will end. Episode Excerpt: CHAD (jabbing the black dildo at the audience) O, then! Unfold the passion of my love, Our potency made good, Take thy reward... CLOSE ON Chris as he sits, dumbfounded by the spectacle before him. Then he leaps to his feet. CHRIS (shouting) What in Sam Hell is this crap?! Chad is so shocked that anyone would dare to interrupt his debut that he breaks character. CHAD (still waving the dildo) Hey, man, shut the fuck up! This is my art here! CHRIS Hell, son, you call that art? Where the hell are the lesbians? The rest of the audience, sensing impending bloodshed, make for the exits. Disc 4 Episode 12: The Art Of Saying Sorry Written By: Christian Williams Directed By: Michael Hurst Air Date: April 10, 2006 After Chris inadvertently ruins Chad's play, he suggests taking Chad out for an evening out to make up for his mistake. Episode Excerpt: The stage area is in shambles with props strewn everywhere. Purple cock rings, Kama Sutra cards, a pocket pussy -- all victims of the fight. Chris and Chad sit, side by side, on the stage and look out at the mess. CHRIS (sheepish) C'mon, man, let me at least make it up to you, buy you a beer, take you out. Something. CHAD And what the hell makes you think I'd go anywhere with you? CHRIS I'm buying? Episode 13: It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time Written By: R. J. Stewart Directed By: Robert Tapert Air Date: April 17, 2006 Chris' idea of a night out leads him and Chad to a seedy strip joint and, the later the evening gets, the more Chad loosens up. Episode Excerpt: INT. STRIP JOINT - NIGHT Chad and Chris down another succession of tequila shots as Rob Zombie's 'Educated Horses' playing loudly from the stage. CHAD (throws his head back and howls) Fuck yeah, man, that feels good!!! A stripper sashays over to their spot, jiggling and shaking. Chad SNATCHES Chris' hat from his head, places it on his own, and JUMPS onto the stage to join in the fun. CUT TO: Close-up of Chris' face, as the shock sets in. CHRIS That's my hat! CHAD (lewdly dancing with the stripper) What's it worth to get it back? CHRIS Boy, you better bring me my hat back! Now. Chad shimmies over and starts to teasingly unbutton his shirt. Chris is mesmerized by the tantalizing glimpses of bare skin. CHAD Fine, but it'll cost you. One kiss. CLOSE ON Chris, staring up. CHAD (CONT'D) With tongue. Episode 14: Time Alone Written By: Michael Piller Directed By: Winrich Kolbe Air Date: April 24, 2006 After shocking the patrons (and themselves) with a passionate kiss on the main stage, Chad and Chris retire to one of the back booths to get better acquainted. Episode Excerpt: Chris fists his hands in Chad's hair and hauls him closer. Their lips and tongues meet again in another kiss. Chad is on Chris' lap by this point, shirt unbuttoned, pants unbuttoned, and it's plain that both men are aroused as they grind together. Neither one is thinking of consequences or the fact that they're still in a club. The kisses continue to get more passionate, graphic, and Chad's hands disappear under the waistband of Chris' boxers. Chris tips his head back and growls. Episode 15: The Morning After Written By: Eric Kripke Directed By: Kim Manners Air Date: May 1, 2006 After a passionate night together, Chris and Chad must deal with each other in the light of day, and figure out where to go from here. Episode Excerpt: INT. CHRIS' BEDROOM, CHRIS' BED - MORNING Chad sits on the edge of the bed, dressed in only his jeans, next to Chris' sprawled, sleeping form. He runs a hand over Chris' chest and, finally, Chris groggily awakens. CHRIS Mornin', darlin. Chad is relieved that Chris seems happy to see him, but uncertain as to what to do next. CHAD Mornin'. I...I made breakfast. If you were, y'know... Chris tugs on the back of Chad's neck. CLOSE ON the two of them sharing a slow, sweet kiss. CHRIS (smiling) Sounds real nice. If you enjoyed this fic, please leave feedback here. Thanks!