"Aren't you a fucking comedian." "Hey, don't knock it. You could be name-checked on the new Fall Out Boy record." "Christ, that's all I need." "I say you should go for it. I mean, the guy only comes up to your waist, right? He's, like, perfect blowjob material." "Seriously, dude, no freakin' way I'd let him touch me. It's embarrassing. All he does is stare at me from under his emo-bangs. I can't take it." "Aren't you, like, a little old for him?" "See, that's exactly what I thought." "Well, you are skinny. Maybe you just look like jailbait." "Shut up, man, I eat. I can't help that I can't put on weight. Besides, I can kick your ass." "Keep dreaming." "When do I get to see you again?" "Three weeks." "Better be ready to put your money where your mouth is." "We betting?" "Duh." "I'll pack extra lube." "I dunno why, all you'll be doing is lying back and taking it like the bitch you are." "Keep talking, man, keep talking." *** "So, you and K-Fed, huh?" "What about it?" "If you'd just wanted to fuck Britney, I hear she's really easy, man. No need to do it by proxy." "Bitch, shut up, you don't even know what proxy means." "And you do? Just 'cause you play an English major on TV doesn't mean you're smart." "Same goes for you, dude. Anyway, he's an alright guy. I think he's been getting a bad rap by the press." "Ah, the old bonding over the no one understands me schtick, I get it." "It's not a schtick." "It's your own fault you fucked the prom queen." "Do you really want to go there with me? How many Hooters girls've you fucked again?" "Alright, alright, fuck. You're way too serious sometimes, you know that." "Yada yada whatever, man." "Just tell me you didn't, actually, y'know, go there. With K-Fed." "What, dude, are you fucking high? No way, man, I gave him Pete's number." "Are you serious?" "Hell yeah, man, serves the little bastard right. Did you know he sent me poetry the other week? That he wrote himself. Shit, if I was an asshole, I could make so much money from this." "You are an asshole." "True. But I'm an asshole with principles." "Of course you are." *** "Dude, what're you...you were totally jerking off, weren't you?" "No." "Fuck you, man, I know what you sound like when you're close to coming. Porn or Phelps swimming?" "Fuck..." "C'mon, Murray, tell me." "Phelps, alright. I can't help it, he's built like you." "My legs are way longer. And he's got, like, freakish ears." "Blowjob handles, man. And, you've both got these massive hands..." "Christ, you're such a fucking girl." "Fuck off, you know you beat off to me all the time." "To you, yes. To Olympic swimmers, not so much." "I bet you do. I bet you're all over that Jason Lezak guy." "Nah. Too broad through the shoulders." "Eamon Sullivan?" "Too pretty." "Ryan Lochte, then. I'm fucking right, aren't I? Dude, I fucking knew it. You've got a thing for the surfer boy." "Yep, pretty, dumb and blond, that's how I like 'em." "I am totally kicking your ass for that." "Didn't you learn your lesson last time?" "Grudge rematch, dude, I'm all over that shit." "Whatever. Just don't spank it too hard, I've got plans for your dick when I get out there." "I got plenty to go around." "That's what worries me." "Dick." "You know you love me." "Keep telling yourself that."
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