"No way, man," Jensen replied, still beside Jared. Still talking about him, which, seriously, Jared loved Jensen like a brother and all, but he was ready to duct tape Jensen's mouth shut. "I can't do it without you there," Jensen continued. Jared sighed. No relish, no chocolate cupcakes with the little sprinkles, he had 5 pages to learn before the end of the day, and Jensen was up his ass about being up some other guy's ass. Just a perfect day all the way around. "Why? I mean, come on, I hardly think you've needed a chaperone every time you've wanted to bang someone." "Uh..." Jensen cupped the back of his neck and bit nervously on his lower lip. Weird to see him all shy and shit when he was dressed as Dean. "Well, Chad's not just someone." "Trust me, he's not that high maintenance." Like, totally the opposite when it came down to it. Jensen snagged a roast beef sandwich and an apple. "Exactly, see, you can, y'know, ease my way in. So to speak." "Jen, man, I've seen you naked, much to my dismay, and if I go in first, Chad's not even gonna feel you." Jensen's eyes narrowed, and he paused in the act of reaching for a Coke. "What're you trying to say?" "Nothing, dude," Jared grinned, and waved to one of the P.A.'s, who was giving them both a confused look. Serve her right if she was eavesdropping. "I'll have you know I've never had any complaints," Jensen grumbled, bumping Jared's shoulder on the way to his chair. Jared settled in the chair next to him. Smiled benignly. "I'm sure you haven't." "Shut up." Jensen took a bite of his sandwich, and Jared hoped like hell this meant the conversation was over. "Look...I mean, I'm not asking you to stay for the entire thing..." Or not. Jared inwardly sighed, and swallowed his bite of tuna. "That's good, because I really don't want to have sex with you." "I don't want to have sex with you, I want to have sex –" "With my best friend, yes. I know," Jared stated pointedly. "Who you've also had sex with." "That was years ago." Jensen's grin was just this side of cocky. "And you two going at it in L.A. a couple of months ago...?" "Just blowing off steam. Damn, when'd I tell you about that?" "Uh, over shots after we wrapped the second ep," Jensen shrugged, and chomped on a piece of lettuce. "Me and my mouth." Jared shook his head. Ah well, he couldn't go around stating he couldn't hold his liquor out loud, he'd never live it down. "Why do you want me there again?" Jensen's brows wrinkled in that kinda cute way they did when he was trying to think. "I dunno, I just think he'd be more liable to relax and go for it if you're there at the beginning." "Man, do you have issues about your prowess." "I do not have issues about my prowess." Jensen paused. "Most of the time." "Fine, fine, but you, dude, you so owe me." Jared couldn't believe he was really saying yes to this. He must be out of his fucking mind. "And I'm leaving the second the clothes start coming off, and believe me, that won't take long. I'm telling you, Chad's about as easy as it gets." "Good." Jensen rubbed the back of his neck again. "How's, uh, how's he feel about repeats?" "Well, uh, if you're any good at all, he's really into repeats." Then what Jensen said hit him. "Are you, like, I mean, is this...this isn't just scratching an itch, is it?" Jared asked, with a sinking feeling in his chest. "Nope." "Christ, you want to have a thing with him?" What the hell, man, when did the universe go all kablooey and why the hell didn't anyone tell him? "And you still want me there?" "Well, if it all starts to go south, then it'll be better if you're there and can explain it away, right?" Jensen looked so hopeful that Jared couldn't really find it in himself to make his usual sort of sarcastic remark. "You have some fucked-up logic." "But you're still doing it?" Jared waved a hand. "Yeah, yeah." "I really do owe you one." "Goddamn right you do." *** "So, you still getting a couple of days off for me to fly up?" Jared transferred his cell to his other ear, and scanned the shelves for an appropriate card. Which meant, in the case of Jared and Chad, a completely inappropriate card. They'd started years ago, and now it was just tradition. "Yep, all arranged, man." Congratulations on your promotion..., huh a possibility...Good luck with the new house..., nah, too weak... "Uh...hey, so, Jen wanted to know if he could tag along." "What, on my birthday? Sure, dude, whatever, long as he buys me a shot." Jared stopped in front of a sympathy card. Nah, not inappropriate enough. "I'll, uh, be sure to tell him." "Y'think, uh, maybe, if I got him, uh...eh, nevermind, forget it, it's too embarrassing." "What is?" Jared asked, only half listening. "Well...I mean, hey, it's okay if he's not or anything, I won't make a big deal of it –" "Jesus, Chad, out with it." "You think if I got him drunk enough, he'd make out with me? Because, man, I gotta tell you, as a birthday gift, that would rock." Jared paused in the act of reaching for a retirement card that looked very promising. "You want to make out with Jensen on your birthday?" he asked, wanting to make absolutely certain that he heard that right. "Yeah. I mean, uh, yeah." Jared groaned. "I don't believe this." "He's completely straight, isn't he?" "I didn't say that." "You're fucking him, then?" "No, I am most emphatically not fucking him," and he really wished people would stop asking him if he was. It'd totally be like fucking his own brother, which, just, no. "Okay, good." Chad let out a nervous laugh. "Damn, had me scared there for a minute." "I have no response to that. At all." Fuck it, he had three cards, that had to be enough, right? "Just say you'll both be there." Jared stepped up to the counter, and laid the cards down. Smiled his brightest smile at the cashier. "We'll both be there. God help me," he muttered under his breath. "What was that?" "Nothing, man. Nothing." *** Jared was at the bar buying another round of shots when Jensen stepped up next to him. "He seems like he's having a good night," Jensen said, nodding at their table, where Chad was still holding court, and making small talk with one of the 'Smallville' extras. "Seems like," Jared replied, and paid for the shots. "Here," he said, and shoved three in Jensen's hands. "You...uh...talk to him yet?" "What...?" Jared turned back to Jensen, and frowned. "Dude, no. No fucking way, you're not 14, this isn't 'High School Musical'." "So...you haven't," Jensen said, and his suffering sigh was Emmy-worthy. Honestly, it was a wonder Jared wasn't homicidal. "Take the shots to the table, Jen. And if you want to talk to the man, do it yourself." Stupid fucking friends, man. *** Chad was nice enough to at least wait until Jared was done washing his hands to ambush him. "So..." Chad bounced on the balls of his feet. "...you talk to him yet?" "Noooo." Jared grabbed a paper towel to dry his hands. "Should I?" Chad shrugged and followed Jared out of the men's room and into the hallway. "I thought it might be nice if you paved the way. So to speak." Jared barely resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall. "Jesus, I am not doing this all night. Come on," he stated, and started back to the table where Jensen was waiting, determined to finally get some peace and quiet. He could hear Chad struggling to keep up beside him. "Where're we...? Uh, J..." Jared didn't stop until he got to the table. Jensen's smile of welcome quickly turned into one of puzzlement. Jared paid it no attention. "Alright, both of you sit down. Sit," he said, and pointed at the chair next to Jensen. Chad, lucky for him, didn't argue. "Alright, good." Jared pointed at the two men. "Chad, Jensen wants to have lots of disgustingly pornographic sex with you and, I think, wants you to be his man or something, I dunno, that's for you two to work out. Jensen, Chad totally wants to make out with you for his birthday and probably after, I dunno, he was pretty unclear on that, but that's the impression I got. Okay, so, now everyone knows, I've talked to you both, and now I'm going home to have phone sex with Sandy and try not to think about you two." He gave Chad a sunny smile and clapped him on the back. "Happy birthday, bro," he said, and shook his head. "Have some fucking fun, okay?" There was a scraping of chairs as Jensen and Chad both turned towards each other. "Wait, you...with me...?" "Really, you want to...with me?" "Christ," Jared muttered, and headed for the door. When he got there, he took a last look at the table. Jensen and Chad were both standing, touching as much of each other as they possibly could, and kissing each other as if their lives depended on it. Jensen had a hand buried in Chad's hair, Chad had his hands all over Jensen's back, and, from where Jared was, he could still see the slip and slide of pink tongues as they rubbed together. It was a pretty damn hot kiss. Jared just hoped they weren't going to insist on giving him details later. He was a good friend and all, but there were just some places he'd rather not go. Which didn't mean that he wasn't going to call Mike on the way home to fill him in on all the details.
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